Every New Year’s Eve, my husband and I share our resolutions over the lively din of a restaurant filled with revelers drinking, socializing, and enjoying fine meals. I prepare for this ritual by reflecting on my goals throughout the day, even as I dress for the night ahead.
Last year was no different—at first. As I considered the usual resolutions, like shedding a few pounds, sticking to a disciplined workout routine, or finally finishing War and Peace, I realized this year felt different. A milestone birthday loomed on the horizon, and a family member’s recent health scare left me reflecting deeply on how I might use the time I have left to make a meaningful contribution to the world.
One realization struck with a certainty: it was time to pursue a project I had long dreamed about—writing a book.
As the idea took root that January, my ambition grew, and fortuitous signs seemed to guide my path. A timely post from an unknown book coach popped up in my feed, almost as if the universe had nudged me forward. The mix of excitement and uncertainty was undeniable. I had never written a book before, but after years of thinking about it, I knew the time had come.
When I finally decided and later spoke it out loud to my husband, I felt a wave of calm settle over me, as if some long-hidden energy had been unleashed. My whole being seemed to come alive with a purpose I hadn’t realized I was missing. It wasn’t planned; it felt instinctive like my body and mind were moving toward an energy greater than myself.
Uncovering my book topic (and my offering to the world)
I didn’t even have a topic when I finally met with my book coach for our first session. So, we took some time to explore possibilities. When I did, I discovered that nonfiction topics most interested me, especially because I saw this book as a fulfillment of a dream. Ultimately, I settled on a topic I knew all too well: generating awareness around workplace bias and enabling and empowering women in technology.
As an aspiring tech professional in corporate America, I witnessed—and endured—barriers and biases that could have derailed my career had I allowed those experiences to define my path. I knew it was time to share my story and message.
Over the past 20 years, I have had many conversations with women about handling these circumstances and overcoming similar challenges. I knew this topic warranted a larger discussion on a broad platform to affect change. I was also keenly aware that devoting myself to this cause might render me unemployable. The institutional stasis that allowed these conditions to flourish, and those who implicitly benefit from their existence, ensures that they remain unchallenged without consequence.
The book I’ve written and am now editing centers on my decades of experience as a woman in the U.S. high-tech industry. Throughout my career, I’ve experienced firsthand the expanse of this problem. Many women are afraid to speak out because of repercussions, and this very real threat has kept limiting factors in place.
Within this book, I’ve chosen to not remain silent.
I share my stories, and several women willingly share theirs. I offer approaches to remain productive and professional in the face of discrimination and bias while building a successful career. I understand that every situation is different, and I share general advice to help readers analyze their options, maximize their opportunities, suppress natural reactions, and protect their future.
This book explores an enormous issue in the U.S. high-tech industry: the bias and discrimination against individuals who are not cisgender men. The problem is more frustrating because corporate America has not kept pace with the vast societal changes our world has seen outside of work. This lack of change can make the workplace—even within “progressive industries” like technology—hopelessly out of step and in desperate need of change.
Writing a book is a journey
Writing this book has been an illuminating journey for several reasons. First, I have long been fascinated by business models, and seeing the book publishing industry up close was a chance to experience a new business model. Second, I have always loved to write—primarily for fun, but also, as a marketer, I write for work. Third, being in the presence of and supporting women has been a guiding force in my life.
However, the most surprising aspect of this journey has been what I uncovered about myself and other career-oriented women and the unique ways our experiences have unfolded. Through reflection and conversations with those I interviewed, it became increasingly clear how often we face bias in the workplace. As young women, we were excited and hopeful about the promising careers ahead of us. While we always, perhaps innately, understood that the path would likely be more challenging than that for our male counterparts, we didn’t fully anticipate the extent or frequency of the bias and harassment we would need to endure.
Through these challenges, we discovered our resilience and perseverance. Perhaps most profoundly, we realized the power of sharing our stories and supporting one another. This journey of discovery and connection revealed our collective strength and inspired me to reflect on the creative process itself—how individuals find and express their voices in unique ways.
All writers have their own process for “getting their words out.” Some dictate into a recording device, some craft content on keyboards, and some write with a long hand. My approach was a combination of typing, writing, and a lot of talking to myself while driving or running . . . and when I felt unsatisfied with what I had developed, I used pen and paper.
There is something about writing by hand that helped me slow my thoughts down, allow time for reflection, and further develop my reasoning. Writing longhand gave me the clarity to examine my experiences and those of others from various angles. What was born from these writing moments was a self-healing I did not expect.
Some of the experiences I share in this book were ones I had never put into words before. Writing something down makes it more concrete and more real. Perhaps that is why I never wrote about many of them—the fear of fully embracing what I have been through was just too big of an ask, too much of an emotional risk.
Many women I interviewed for the book expressed the same sense of dread, hesitation, anger, and fear. They knew that discussing their experience would revive the emotional turmoil they experienced during it.
But here is the loveliest part of this journey: these women collectively opted in. They knew the power of sharing their stories and how it could help other women who have experienced and will experience many of the same situations.
They understood that how women are treated in the workplace must change. They understood this conversation requires a larger platform than commiserating after experiencing bias and enduring discrimination. As I do, they understand that we must speak out to make lasting change.
Taking a risk to create change for women
Writing this book also revealed the enormity of the issue for me. Even though I intuitively knew about the bias and hostility in technology workplaces, further research blew my mind. Women are exhausted and fed up with navigating the “isms” of corporate life just to succeed and build a career that will support their livelihoods and those of their families. The book also highlighted the bravery and determination of women to succeed regardless of their circumstances and to come together in support of others.
For me, and I hope for the women who shared their stories with me, giving voice to these experiences helped me view them through a different lens. I found empathy and pride in my younger self, appreciating her resilience and ambition, even in the face of challenges that she didn’t anticipate.
Today, I am clear on who I am as a professional, my expectations for the companies I work for, and the respect I display and demand. I no longer fear speaking out; I know it is the only path to meaningful change.
This clarity and courage feel like a natural evolution of the resolutions I once shared over the noise of a crowded New Year’s Eve dinner—a commitment to something larger. I hope this book, sparked by a resolution made on that celebratory night, becomes a catalyst for change, not just for me but for every woman striving to claim her voice and power.